


Haunting

by bensoloren



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: 007, 00Q - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MI6 Agents, james bond / Q - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bensoloren/pseuds/bensoloren
Summary: The memory of Vesper Lynd resurfaces and James and Q have to deal with the harsh truths of the choices their line of work requires.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Haunting

**Author's Note:**

> This will be two chapters, it's also the first i've written in a long time so i apologise if my writing is rather rusty. James and Q are a pairing i rather like, as i've always found them to have a lot of potential but i've always been wary about how to put them together and so i decided to write the middle of their relationship rather than the beginning or even end.

He knows. James is aware of it as the doors slide open , as he takes his first step into Q Branch. He's just returned from a mission , a nasty cut on the side of his head , the suit he'd been wearing is torn in places , mud caking the cuffs of his shirt. Of course he knows. He'd been on the comms , he would have seen the footage. James isn't a bloody fool - a conversation was coming and one that could not be avoided. They had talked this over of course , the requirements of the job and yet neither one of them could have foreseen just how difficult it would be. The lights are dimmed , the sound of tapping comes from the centre of the room and James knows the quartermaster is still here. Who else would be at this hour? it was very likely he was avoiding returning to the apartment they shared in order to delay this conversation or perhaps he simply couldn't look James in the eyes right now. Unfortunately , James was not willing to let this matter stagnate , not when he knows how it could end. He strides almost purposefully towards the other man and his heart almost stops. Slender fingers move across a tablet now , but they shake - shoulders hunched. Q knows James is in the room and he's rather wishing he wasn't. Cheating. There was no other way to describe what had happened , a job requirement or not and the fact they'd discussed this at length cannot alleviate the sense of betrayal the other man is clearly feeling. James goes to speak but the words don't quite leave his mouth. What can he say? there's no sense bringing up the fact that they had discussed the likelihood of this happening. The mission was the priority and they were both dutiful men loyal to their country who took their responsibilities seriously. Yet what about their responsibilities to each other?

"It didn't mean anything." Four little words , finally forced out and echoed in the almost silence of the room. James almost regrets them instantly. They sound like a hollow excuse and Q deserves more than that , yet what else can he say? it is at least the truth. His liaison with someone else had meant nothing. It was his job. He'd had to extract information. Q doesn't reply , eyes locked on the tablet in front of him but James knows he's heard him. He takes a tentative step forward , exercising caution. Was Q likely to come home tonight? James wasn't so sure. The man looked willing to stubbornly work through the night. "Why her?" The question finally leaves the quartermasters lips. "She looked surprisingly like Vesper." There's no bite to it , rather it's simply inquisitive. It seems James wasn't the only one who had noticed the similarity , neither could he lie that it hadn't had something to do with it. Perhaps that was the problem. Q had not known Vesper , not personally. Up until now , James hadn't thought Q even knew her name. James had never spoken it , not out loud. What good would it have done? 

He knows that's part of the problem. Q hadn't known her which means he probably had a rather exaggerated idea of both her and James' relationship and with very few reoccurring agents around at that time , and the former M now dead , there had been no one to reassure him. "It meant nothing." He repeats slightly differently. "I can't deny she looked like Vesper , nor will i lie to you and pretend there wasn't an attraction because of it but she simply had information i needed. You know how the job goes. I didn't enjoy it." There's truth to James' words. He had been acutely aware of the fact he was destroying Q the entire time. One of the mans employees had pretty much confirmed it by telling him Q had left the room. Why of course , the woman had no idea. The relationship between Q and James was one kept off the books and for good reason. The job had to come first. Yet James was beginning to regret the secrecy. It wasn't helping either of them , perhaps it was making it worse.

He goes to open his mouth now , placing a hand on Q's shoulder , wanting to run his fingers through those dark curls he was so fond of. For a moment the other says nothing but then he pushes James' hand away. "Go home James. I have work to do." The tone with which he uses , tells the agent that the Quartermaster won't be argued with. "I'll join you later." He finally adds. Yet whether it's to reassure James or himself , it cannot be said. James sighs , raking fingers through his own hair. "Alright." He gives Q one last look before moving towards the exit. He pauses , swallowing harshly. "I love you." Those three little words don't come easy to James , they never have but he knows the other man needs to hear them. "I know. It's alright. Go." Q mutters , back still turned to James. Slipping out of the door , James heads for the parking garage below MI6 , and towards his Aston. 

By the time James arrives at the flat , it's to the sound of scratching at the door. One of Q's cats , growing impatient over his human's absence , James would assume. He lets himself in and the cat in question winds itself around his feet , looking up at the agent questioningly. "He's still at the bloody lab , don't look at me like that." He mutters , feeling more guilty than he would like. He closes the door behind him and heads for the kitchen , glancing at the clock. It's past midnight now , would Q even bother coming home or would he work through the night? feeling unsettled , James heads for the bathroom and takes a long shower. The hot water however does nothing to ease the ache in his bones nor the worry in the pit of his stomach and as he's drying off , he hears the front door go. It could be Q , but it also could be someone else. The latter was of course unlikely. Q hardly gave their home address out and no one at MI6 even knew they were living together. Another precaution taken so as to keep the work environment as professional as possible.

Wrapping a towel around his waist , dries his hands quickly and reaches for his berretta , eyes narrowed he leaves the bathroom slowly , covering himself. It's Q , looking exhausted and dishevelled , hanging his coat on the coat rack. He hasn't turned yet but he's used to James' paranoid greetings by now. "It's me 007 , you can put the gun down." His words are humourless , taken over by exhaustion. "007 is it now?" James asks as he arches a brow and lowers his gun. For a moment the two of them just stand there. "Old habits die hard , as you've proven today." Comes the retort and not without reason. James sighs and moves towards the living room. "Come sit with me Q." He mutters. He knows the other man simply wanted to sleep , but James was reluctant to go to bed with this hanging over both of their heads. He has experience in how quickly relationships can derail ( usually it was his own fault ) and he had no wish to watch this one do the same. Q eyes the other man with reluctance , the warmth of their bed calling , a bed James would certainly not be invited to tonight. Yet during this hesitance he takes the time to look at James , to really look at him.

His , is the posture of a guilty man. A man who regrets what has happened. A good actor James was , but Q had long since been able to read him better than anyone else. As the other man sighs , raking hands through his hair , Q knows he's sorry. It doesn't ease the ache of course , no , that would take some time. Yet , they had discussed situations such as this , both knowing what James' job entailed. Q had thought he was prepared for such a situation but the truth was , he hadn't been. He finally moves to sit next to him. "If it had been anyone else...it might have been easier." The Quartermaster admits. "A blonde perhaps." He tries to say it lightly but it's not a joke. It was the resemblance to this woman that has stuck with Q , that has opened up a dozen different questions. He wouldn't even have known who Vesper was , had Eve not made a comment about how much the woman James was seducing looked like her , Q wouldn't have looked her up. Eve only knew because she'd caught James a few days ago looking at the woman's old file , and even then she didn't know much. James rarely talked about Vesper.

"She's dead Q but i think you know that." He turns his head slightly , bright blue eyes landing on those warm ones. "Eve never should have brought her up , although in her defence , she didn't know what she was doing , not really." It was James' fault. He should have said something long before now. Hiding the memory of a dead woman was bound to lead to some kind of complication. "I can't tell you i don't think about her because i do , but not in the way you seem to think. I don't wish she was still here , not anymore." He leans back against the sofa. "She made her choice. She chose death. Whatever fantasies i had about saving her.....those were a long time ago. If i had succeeded , i would have been selfish. You know as well as i do that not every choice we make in this business is right , nor is it easy. I cannot deny i loved her , because i did and sometimes i still cling to the memory of that but i assure you , what we have does not pale in comparison." James has always had trouble letting go of the dead. It was in sense , a very universal thing for him. M haunted him , Vesper , his parents and the long list of people he could not save. James' grief was very personal to him , even talking about it makes him uneasy.

"Yes , she looked like Vesper , and i'll admit that for a moment - it was like seeing her all over again , watching her walk out of those elevator doors but it wasn't her Q. It was just...another mission." They need to figure a way around all of this , they needed to find a way to deal with it. "I didn't sleep with her." He finally admits. "In the end i didn't need to. It turned out she was willing to sell Jameson out and she had good reason to. Nothing other than what you saw happened. You can confirm it with R if you need to." Will it be enough he wonders? will it calm the storm clearly brewing in the man he loves? Q has remained silent this entire time , mulling over James' words. "I need to sleep James. And so do you." He finally replies. "We'll talk about this in the morning." He rises from where he sits and James hesitates. "I'll make up the sofa." The agent mutters , earning himself a stern look. "No you bloody won't. You'll sleep in our bed. With me." Q's bottom lip trembles and James realises he's said the wrong thing. By offering to sleep on the sofa , he's confirming the others worse thoughts. "I'll sleep in our bed." He promises quickly , rising to his feet. In truth , he'd thought space was what the Quartermaster had wanted. Some time alone to think. James keeps that to himself however , and makes his way to the kitchen. "Go ahead of me , i'll be there in a moment." He calls. Q hesitates , but then makes his way to their bedroom.

James hears the shower go , and busies himself with making a cup of earl grey for Q. Standard bedtime ritual. James has long since gotten used to the inner workings of the other man and given the situation , a cup of tea is probably needed. James doesn't make one for himself , instead pouring his usual small glass of scotch. He knows how much the other man hates it , but James is yet to find another proven method to help him to sleep these days. With cup and glass in hand , he moves down the small hallway that's littered with pictures , towards where they sleep.


End file.
